Did you know that many family patterns such as belief systems, behaviours, lifestyle choices, communication styles, and unspoken family rules are passed down through generations, and we don’t even realise it?
All of us experience difficult situations in our own lives, but many deep-rooted issues and dysfunctional beliefs and behaviors are often inherited from our parents, grandparents, great-grandparents, and beyond.
Generational patterns are often shaped by a combination of biological, psychological, and environmental factors.
Traumatic events, such as violence, abuse, neglect, oppression, or displacement, have the potential to cause significant physical and emotional issues. These adverse experiences profoundly influence an individual’s beliefs, behaviours, and perspectives, often leading to unhealthy patterns and "emotional wounds." If these wounds aren’t explored and processed, they are passed down over time.
It is important to recognise and address unhelpful intergenerational patterns that can create tension, conflict and strained relationships. They don’t simply fade away, often getting worse over time.
The first step in breaking the cycle of these patterns is acknowledging them. But this is not always easy. It requires a willingness to honestly look at yourself as well as your family history and recurring themes. We often create "stories" to protect us from things that we don’t want to face. Telling ourselves stories keeps us from seeking the truth. We are programmed to repeat the "same old, same old". We find comfort in the familiar. It brings us relief and provides safety and a sense of control, even if it’s not serving us. But we end up finding ourselves in difficult situations again and again and again.
Although difficult, it’s important to closely examine your childhood, family attitudes and patterns.
Pay attention to situations that trigger intense or unexpected emotional responses, especially negative ones. Try and identify what parenting patterns you may have inherited. Perhaps your parents were unwilling or unable to discuss feelings or display much affection? Were they emotionally detached and "numb"? Do you see these patterns in your own family dynamics? Are you unintentionally transferring your own difficulties to your children?
Look at the environment around you. What types of relationships are you drawn to? Are there people in your life who don't want to acknowledge that there might be a problem within the family unit?
Identifying patterns that repeat across generations can be difficult. But without awareness, we continue repeating the same unhealthy patterns as our parents, eventually teaching them to our children and other family members. Understanding generational patterns isn't abot blaming those who came before us. It's about healing and growth. We start to see our own traits and behaviours within the larger family context.
Talking about unhealthy, generational patterns with family or a trusted friend can be incredibly difficult, but it's important. Sometimes, it's beneficial to examine these generational cycles with support from a trained professional. They can provide strategies to process uncomfortable, often traumatic material in a safe and supportive environment.
You have the power to heal and re-write your story, not just for yourself but for the generations that follow.
Eila Mikkonen
Counsellor, Clinical Supervisor & Mental Fitness Facilitator