Do You Want Everyone to Like You?

 

Do you often worry about what others think of you? Do you try and please everyone around you? 

 

Do you want EVERYONE to like you?

 

But the fact is, not everyone is going to like you. Just as you are not going to like everyone you meet.  There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be liked by people. We all want to be liked and accepted. We all want to "fit in". It’s part of being human. But desperately wanting everyone to like us can have many negative consequences, including stress, anxiety, and unfulfilling relationships.

 

Where does this deep-seated desire to be liked originate from?

 

There are many reasons why we try so hard to "fit in" instead of embracing our own uniqueness. We all carry "scars" from the past… scars left by abuse, hurt, rejection, or unmet needs that continue to have an impact on our overall wellbeing.

 

It’s impossible to please everyone and meet their expectations. We end up pleasing no one, ourselves included. Yes, we should listen to others and hear their point of view, but worrying excessively about what other people think of us can undermine our ability to live with more purpose and meaning.

 

Feeling good about ourselves comes from within and knowing who you are.

If we don’t have a strong sense of self, we rely too much on external validation. Having a strong sense of self helps us stay true to ourselves. It takes some self-reflection and inner work, but when we stop caring too much about being liked by everyone, we finally see what actually matters. We start to understand ourselves better.

 

Of course, that’s easier said than done. But sometimes it only takes a bit of self-reflection to realise that constantly seeking external validation and worrying about what other people think of us can take a huge toll on our wellbeing. A healthy level of self-awareness helps us understand our beliefs, values, and needs better. It helps us stay true to ourselves instead of comparing ourselves to others and measuring success by someone else's standards.

 

Additionally, people aren’t paying as much attention to us as we think. We tend to overestimate the extent to which others are paying attention to us and our actions. This is called the "spotlight effect". It can create many problems in our lives including increased anxiety, low self-esteem, and strained relationships. In reality, people don’t care much at all. They are too busy living their own lives and worrying about their own problems.

 

Do you have a desperate need to be liked by others? No matter how hard you try, you can never get everyone to like you. So, stop worrying about being liked by everyone.

 

Instead, start liking yourself more!

 

Eila Mikkonen

Counsellor, Clinical Supervisor & Mental Fitness Facilitator