What is self-awareness? And why does it matter?
Self-awareness is the ability to see our inner and outer selves. It includes our thoughts, emotions, beliefs, values, traits and characteristics. It’s our perception of who we are, how we relate to others and how others see us. While many of us like to think we are pretty self-aware, we probably aren’t.
In our increasingly digital world, self-awareness is even more important. Technology has much to offer, from social media and video calls to online learning and other virtual tools. Although digital technology is an integral part of our lives, it is not all good.
Excessive exposure to virtual worlds can have a negative impact on our wellbeing. Our nervous system goes into "overdrive" with the constant bombardment of stimulation from multiple sources. Many studies have shown that prolonged exposure to online content can lead to feelings of anxiety, depression and low self-esteem, as well as addiction-like behaviours and body image issues. Furthermore, overuse of technology has been associated with poor quality of sleep.
It can also cause problems with our personal identity and how we see ourselves.
In an online setting, we are pulled in many different directions, comparing ourselves, consciously or unconsciously, to people who appear to be living "picture-perfect" lives. They are so "happy". We want to be like them! We feel pressured to conform and live up to the standards set by others. This often stems from our unconscious desire to belong. To be liked. To be validated. To be heard.
It’s easy to forget that people tend to create "virtual” identities very different from their offline, real-life personas. So, we end up measuring ourselves against something that isn’t always real. As the boundaries between the real and virtual worlds get blurred, this can lead to alienation and disconnect from our "true" self.
Our self-image can become distorted.
I’m sure you have interacted with someone online and when you meet them face-to-face, they are nothing like their online presence. Where’s the warmth and authenticity? Where’s the friendliness and "genuine" connection they portray online? There’s such a disconnect between their inner and outer worlds. They are so different from how they are in the real world.
However, the more polished and perfect image we present to the outside world, the more insecure we feel on the inside. As a counsellor, I often see the other side of "I’m happy and successful" or "everything is great" facade. The vulnerable side. The more authentic, human side. The struggles and life challenges we all go through. In private, people drop the facade of perfection.
If you are trying to create some separation between the virtual and real worlds, working on your self-awareness is the first step. Personal transformation starts from within, so taking time to look inside yourself is important.
Notice your behaviours and activities, both online and offline. Reflect on what triggers certain emotions and how you respond. Try and recognise your thoughts and feelings. How do you feel after spending some time online? Overwhelmed and anxious? Unhappy? Isolated? Irritated by comments from strangers? Do you feel better than before you started, or worse?
When you get to know yourself on a deeper level, your sense of self gets stronger.
If you don’t, someone else will decide it for you. Without self-awareness, it can be difficult to establish personal boundaries, both online and offline. We can’t eliminate the digital world, but we can minimise the negative effects of technology with increased self-awareness.
A word of caution, while increased self-awareness is a key to personal growth and emotional wellbeing, it becomes harmful if we start to judge ourselves too harshly. Excessive introspection can trigger self-criticism and self-blame. It’s important to balance self-reflection with self-compassion and treat ourselves with empathy and kindness. It can be helpful to speak with a trained therapist, especially if you have underlying mental health issues or unexplored traumatic and painful experiences.
We can navigate the complexities of the modern world. We can create a healthier and more balanced relationship with the virtual environment.
So, start investing in yourself. It’s the best investment you’ll ever make.
"Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today, I’m wise, so I’m changing myself"
– Quote by Rumi
Eila Mikkonen
Counsellor, Clinical Supervisor & Mental Fitness Facilitator