When you make a mistake, do you have a tendency to spend too much time thinking about it? Instead of acknowledging and reviewing your mistake and then moving on, you spend hours obsessing over it. "Why did I do that" or "I can’t believe I’m so stupid?" You become fixated on the one thing that went wrong instead of remembering the ones that went well.
You get caught up in negativity!
And the longer you "hold" onto the negative experience, the more likely it is that you end up having a bad day. You let one small mistake ruin the entire day. Even if the day was otherwise positive. Unfortunately, getting stuck in repetitive, unhelpful thoughts often leads to anxiety, stress and worry.
Why does this happen?
Why do we have such a strong emotional reaction to negative events compared to positive ones? Many studies have shown that the human brain is wired to notice the bad and ignore the good. This is called negativity bias. One difficult experience can quickly overshadow several positive ones. And the negative stuff really sticks! We replay past mistakes and embarrassing moments in our minds over and over again, long after others have forgotten them.
But even on the most challenging days, there are small and simple ways to shift your focus from negative to positive.
Try this powerful exercise that can instantly boost your mood. Pause for a moment and ask yourself, "What’s ONE good thing that happened to me today?" or "What’s ONE thing I’m grateful for today?"
Alternatively, you could ask, "What’s ONE good thing I like about myself?"
Choose anything, however small. It really doesn’t matter what you choose, but every time you turn your attention to something positive, the hormones associated with happiness and overall wellbeing – known as the "feel-good" hormones, including serotonin and dopamine – are released in your brain and body, elevating your mood. Yes, sometimes it can be really hard to find anything that is positive. But even in the darkest of times, it’s possible to find something good. Something to be thankful for. We just have to look a little harder.
However, this doesn’t mean that we try to eliminate or ignore uncomfortable or painful emotions.
They are there for a reason and denying them only makes them stronger. Instead, finding ways to tolerate and manage difficult emotional experiences without getting swept away by them would be important. Working with a trained professional can be helpful, especially if we have unexplored and difficult experiences in the past.
We all experience negative thoughts and feelings from time to time. But we don’t have to get caught up in them!
Developing new habits and making simple changes to our daily routine can have a positive impact on our wellbeing. Often, it’s the small, steady changes that make the biggest difference over time. So, start incorporating "one good thing" exercise into your daily routine and re-train your brain to seek out the positive rather than dwell on the negative.
Eila Mikkonen
Counsellor, Clinical Supervisor & Mental Fitness Facilitator